The Cult of Productivity
Or, "Why you'll rarely catch me on LinkedIn."
Are you tired?
I’m pretty tired.
And you know what? I do a lot of the “right” things. I journal, I drink green juices, keep a tidy space, silence work chats from 7pm to 7am, I take probiotics and go to therapy. Motherfucker, I do cardio 6 out of 7 days of the week, and I’m child-free.
Sometimes, still, I’m so exhausted that I’m one Instagram notification away from faking my own death.
So, when that notification turns out to be a “Hey girlie!” DM from a Corporate Baddie™️ peddling a “focus” supplement and a productivity clock so I can fit Zoom calls and Pilates in my day, I’m one step closer to burning my passport and identifying documents and assuming new ones.
But I get it. I do.
In late-stage capitalism, what could be a greater marketing ploy than promising human productivity and optimization far past what we’re built for? Don’t fear the machines, ye skeptics, simply become one.
Every day, LinkedIn thought leaders and self-proclaimed business gurus flood our feeds with life hacks. We get bolded words and rocket emojis to let us know, “Hey, I've unlocked the ultimate secrets to success, and you could too!” If only you’d wake up earlier and embrace the grind, loser.
“I wake up at 4:00 am, meditate, read 100 pages, drink some cucumbers, raw dog a cold plunge, kiss my wife exactly five times, do my inner-child work and respond to emails—all before 6 am.”
Or some variation of that, littered across the internet as far as we can see. Despite the sheer volume of words, the idea is simple: if you just start your day like a successful person, you’ll be successful, too. But is this how anyone is actually living? Really? Sustainably?
OSINT for Good? Nah, OSINT for a Cynic
I’m not the first person to grow weary of hustle culture and its quixotic and condescending nature. In fact, plenty of people have dedicated time and energy to pushing back on this, technically. And here’s what we’ve learned:
Public Schedules
My inherent issue isn’t with lying. Marketing and communications essentially exist to capitalize on our frail humanness with truthiness and hollow guarantees. My true issue is that I believe if you’re going to lie for profit, you should probably be good at it.
Ever seen someone put a call out on social media to let you know their calendar is filling up quickly, so you should score your 15-minute window of life-changing time? Alright, open that Calendly, let’s see this jam packed sched. Well, as the Dixie Chicks once sang, “wiiiide open spaces.”
In 2018, Jack Dorsey, former CEO of Twitter, tweeted about his infamous daily commute—a five-mile walk that took him just over an hour. He spoke with CNN Money about how it was the greatest investment he’s ever made.
You can find hundreds of articles chronicling Elon Musk’s morning routines over the years—including a bedtime of 3 am and a wakeup time of 5 am. People have experimented with this, replicated it and sworn by it. Though, 6 months later, he might be quoted as saying he actually wakes up at 9 am after a tidy 6.5 hours of rest. Notoriously truthful, that one.
In both instances, it’s been pointed out time and time again that these people maintain schedules that would render this borderline impossible.
But for the sake of argument, we’ll say these are loose schedules maintained on days without meetings or flights. We can’t all be perfect, after all. But isn’t that exactly what we’re being sold here? The idea that when everything is done “right,” in perfect balance, you too will become uselessly wealthy?
Totally, sounds great.
Timestamps
So, your morning routine begins at 4:30 am? 8 am, you’re at powerlifting and by 2 pm, you’re in your 6th “focus block” and lining up calls. Or, so you’ve said in a LinkedIn and Instagram post, monthly, for the past year.
We analyze influencer behaviour in a number of industries for a multitude of reasons. Marketing professionals need the data to build campaigns and social media schedules accurately, and bored folks on Reddit have personal vendettas against corporate influencers—both valuable.
Analyses of influencer posting habits show a number of things, including self-proclaimed early risers tweeting and posting at hours they’re meant to be asleep (You know what kept me up and alert in my youth, blasting nonsense out at 2 am? Nothing, mom). A timestamped tweet goes up about an “inspiring” meeting that just ended. Meanwhile, Instagram stories clearly display a carnivore platter overlooking a beach view, with no laptop in sight.
Copy and Paste
In the year 2025, it’s hard to be original. It’s pretty much all been thought, conceptualized, and written.
The LinkedIn hustle-post-formula is easily identified, showing productivity advice is directly recycled from books like The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4 Disciplines of Execution, How to Win Friends & Influence People—concepts that have been in the cultural zeitgeist for decades.
David Perell and Nat Eliason, productivity writers, have pointed out how many “morning routine” articles are just slightly reworded copies of each other. Harvard Business Review has published multiple articles debunking the idea that a single morning routine formula works for everyone.
Selling Productivity
“Get your shit together for the low price of $399!”
The productivity industry is worth billions, and most of it is built on selling an idea, an imagined you, rather than being of actual service to you. It’s a grift.
Every guru has a “perfectly optimized” planner that will “change your life.” In reality, these templates are created on the same programs using the same principles, and most people buy them and never use them. It’s the same repackaged and recycled material turned into new books, podcasts, and courses that also cost hundreds of dollars and provide you nothing more than platitudes found on Pinterest.
Don’t even get me started on “one-on-one sessions” that are actually pre-taped 30-minute videos with zero tailoring for individual “clients.”
What to Look For
Timelines: If someone is selling their own success story, pay mind to incoherent timelines—claims of working at five different places simultaneously or meteoric rises with no track record.
Career History: LinkedIn allows self-reported job titles, meaning anyone can claim to be a “former Google executive.” Check company rosters and press releases for tangible records.
Engagement Manipulation: Some of these posts rack up hundreds of thousands of likes instantly—suspicious, right? That’s because LinkedIn pods/engagement groups artificially boost them.
I didn’t build this ant hill in an effort to slam those trying to maximize their time—we all want to be efficient.
But our timelines are flooded with myths that keep us tired and distracted, and we’re entering another phase of leadership and governance modelled after patriarchal, capitalistic individuals who will continue attempts to industrialize humanity. And you should be reminded that your greatest responsibility, in all of it, is to take care of yourself.
“Maximizing your capacity” is the quickest road to depression and illness. Guess how productive you’ll be, then?
You are a human being deserving of rest and self-compassion, not another daily planner or focus app. Take a page from our book today, and lay down for a nap, for Christ’s sake.